On a Living Spree

Most people bury this knowledge in the back of their brains and heap on distraction upon distraction—anything to avoid seriously reflecting on the fact that our time here is limited. We hide it away in hospitals and retirement homes. We pay lip service with bumper-sticker phrases like “life is short” or “you only live once,” but mostly we just suppress thoughts of our own mortality.

Bringing up this topic is considered bad form. Society operates under a silent agreement to keep any mention of our mortality off-limits. And when it happens—a friend gets in a car accident, a relative passes from a heart attack—you still might think, That's not going to happen to me.

Well, unfortunately, life is not a dress rehearsal, and death is too important to ignore. To embrace and understand what it means to really live, we need to make sure our relationship with and understanding of death is honest and realistic. 

You already know that serving others feels good. But that warm glow isn’t in your imagination—it’s actually measurable in your body. When you give to others, your brain releases all kinds of feel-good hormones (just like novel experiences, but apparently even more). Giving is associated with lower stress and blood pressure, as well as less depression. One study found that seniors who volunteered tended to live longer, even after accounting for their age, health status, and lifestyle habits. 

On the emotional side, researchers consistently find that giving leads to greater happiness and satisfaction. One study published in the Journal of Economic Psychology found that people who spent money on others reported higher levels of happiness than those who spent money on themselves. Another study published in the journal BMC Public Health found that people who volunteered had lower levels of depression and higher levels of well-being compared to those who didn't volunteer. Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who performed acts of kindness for others experienced an increase in positive emotions and satisfaction, and a decrease in negative emotions.

Because visualization can have a real impact on how you think and feel, it’s so important to visualize the future you want—especially if it feels distant or hard to reach. When you imagine it in great detail, you bring it closer in a very real way. 

That said, fantasies of your desires aren’t much use unless they lead to action. Visualizing what you want gives you focus and clarity, but it also gives your brain a dopamine hit. That moment of pleasure can make you complacent, as if the fantasy itself is enough. Obviously, it’s not.

So, don’t just imagine the end goal—visualize the process to get there as well, including all the obstacles and failures you might experience along the way. Imagine what will happen if you don’t take action toward your dream, as I did when I thought about taking that boring job after getting laid off. That “negative” visualization is just as important as imagining success. In fact, it’s been shown that thinking about failure or inaction makes people twice as likely to achieve their goals.

The truth is you can't take it with you - so why not gift experiences (to yourself and others) rather than things?

Bridget Hilton and Joe Huff are obsessed with experiences.

Determined to unlock the secrets of their power to transform lives, they have spent years interviewing social science experts, conducting the largest study on life experiences ever done, and turning themselves into experiential guinea pigs.

Together they have trained to be samurai, danced with the northern lights, tracked silverback gorillas in a hailstorm, stood face to face with hungry lions on safari, absorbed life lessons from Maasai Mara tribesmen, sped across glaciers on dogsleds, built schools for kids in need, studied with monks, helped give 50,000 people hearing, swum with sharks, and explored the experiential riches life has to offer.

As pandemic restrictions started to loosen a little, I was overjoyed to find my pod of friends interested in doing all sorts of new activities—tie-dying clothes, teaching ourselves to roll sushi, hosting Connect Four tournaments, fermenting and labeling our own hot sauce and pickles, and sneaking out to Venice Beach at midnight to swim in the bioluminescent waves. As bad as the pandemic was in many ways, seeing others try new things with people they love was a bright spot, a small glimpse of what life should be like.

These experiences gave me natural bursts of serotonin and dopamine—feel-good hormones—that jolted me out of my depression temporarily. The novelty forced me to pay close attention to the task at hand, leaving little room to dwell on the past or worry about the future. And when I succeeded at something new, it helped build my confidence and courage.

My personal experience aligns perfectly with scientific research. The evidence states that simply being more present by doing something new stimulates and activates regions of our brain that improve our mood.

One day in your past, you had the last sleepover with your childhood friends, you just didn’t realize it. The last time you played hide and seek. The last time you pranked your parents. The last time you had a snowball fight. But why?

We asked 20,000 people, “What’s an experience you did as a child that you’d love to do again?”

Have the “best day ever” with your partner, close family member, or best friend. What would your best day ever look like? Write down and plan a list of as many fun activities you can fit into one day as possible. Document and share it to inspire others to do their own “best day ever.” For a decade, my business partner Joe's email signature ended with “Have the best day ever,” which always reminded me and our co-workers to have more days like this. 

When did you stop playing? And by playing, I mean doing something just for fun, with no goals or expectations about the outcome. Even if it’s a game with winners and losers, the result doesn’t matter, and your aim isn’t to get better over time. It’s just to enjoy. (Consuming entertainment doesn’t count—real play involves your active engagement, beyond just watching a screen or turning the page.)

As a kid, practically all you wanted to do was play. Every other activity (school, homework, chores, family dinner) was something you had to get through so you could go play. 

But little by little, other things became more important. It’s not just that you now spend more (or most) of your time making sure bills get paid, people get taken care of, chores get done, etc. There’s been a social and psychological shift in priorities, too. Society expects adults to be productive, responsible, and serious; play is a luxury reserved for children. So, you might feel like it’s immature to play, and other people would judge you for it. And the less you play, the less exercise your imagination gets, and the more focused you become on practical matters—perpetuating the downward spiral of playtime.

The Light Show Episode 177: Show Notes

Is the pursuit of monetary abundance leaving you unsatisfied? Are you worried about having regrets in life? In this episode, we embark on an incredible journey with Bridget Hilton and Joe Huff, the authors of the inspiring book, Experiential Billionaire. While they're not actual billionaires, their wealth lies in the extraordinary experiences they've pursued.

Join us as we uncover the profound impact of experiences on their lives and how these experiences have made them wealthy in more ways than one. Bridget and Joe are far from privileged individuals. Hailing from blue-collar backgrounds in Flint, Michigan, and Chicago, Illinois, they initially followed conventional career paths.

Photos and small souvenirs allow us to powerfully relive moments, especially in times when you need to cultivate gratitude. This is our physical bank of memories. But often they get stuck in our phones, computers, or storage never to be seen again. Making the effort to organize these memories and display them where you live is worth doing. Save the memory, and one day, the memory may save you.

The secret to strong bonds lies in shared experiences, especially novel ones. With yourself, your romantic partner, kids, parents, roommates, your ride-or-die, buddies, classmates, colleagues. It doesn’t matter. People are people, and experiencing new things brings us together in a...

When you’re in fight-or-flight mode, everything you do or don’t do teaches the brain something about the perceived threat. When you avoid or flee the situation, your brain experiences a wave of relief. The amygdala learns that avoiding that situation is how you stay safe from that threat.

This is exactly how you want the brain to respond if the threat is a grizzly bear. But what if the perceived threat is something less biologically adaptive, like a worry about being judged or teased?